Couldn't believe that it has been close to seven months since the last post I published here. Its such a norm to me that the urge to blog will only exist when I am in a negative state of mind. Not sure if this applies to most people or perhaps its just me alone. So what actually happened during my disappearance in this blog? I don't think I would know the right place to begin my blabbing with. So much happened. So much to remember. So much forgotten. Sometimes, I just don't know what is right anymore. I don't get how things can be so perfect at one second, and then goes totally the opposite way the next. I don't even understand my own feelings anymore. I don't know what I really desire. I don't know what I expect. Its like in a total mess. At times, I felt annoyed by how things keep playing in my mind. The only thing I could conclude from all these is that I finally had enough of everything. I have reached the state where I don't want to get any involvement in anything. I got myself so filled up with fairy tale hopes, only to find it is all just fantasies. Illusions of happiness that I will keep myself away from.

But one thing I know for sure, I want everything to stop here and then. Putting a fullstop to where I am right now and finding the courage to move on. Leaving everything behind and close the chapters that were once so significant to me. I couldn't be wasting any more of my precious time. Once in a while, I got to remind myself on life's unpredictability. One day I'm here, the other I might just be gone. I just need to stop, take a look at where I am now, and start walking again when I've set my course clear. Be sure of what I really what, and from then only will I be able to start over again. I remember I read this thing from somewhere, where it goes something like this:

'Yes, the grass may always seems greener on the other side. But only if you spend some time to water your own grass, it will appear to be as green too.'

Which I find quite amusing and of course, very true at the same time.

But well, even after everything, I can still find myself some strength to walk out from this mess and work towards what I have always wanted to achieve.

In just another 5 more months baby, 5 more months. =]

Towards The End of The Semester

I am finally done with my assignments. And I've literally died from the last one. I got my butt stuck on the chair, completing the assignment for continuously 3 days. Seriously, the only time I left the working table was when I need to bathe and sleep for few hours. Even when I eat, its done while I was doing the assignment. The power of multi-tasking. =p

I should have started the assignment at the beginning of the semester. But there's just too many stuff happened, in which the love would prefer to call it as the 'unpredictable circumstances'. Too many things to handle, too little time left to focus on everything. And yea, I had a break down. Or I shall say break down-s. Involving many other different things, besides the assignment actually.

Afterall, I would love to thank my darling-s who have been a great help and were always there for me when I was in need. The amount of time and effort they have contributed on me, I deeply appreciate them. Without them, I'm seriously doom-ed. I would not be able to submit my last assignment on time. I'm seriously really happy to have these two awesome girls in my life, which I know I can always count on them when I need them. Love you girls lots, darl Yun and darl Xian! =D

And I also do appreciate the love's effort to drop by and make a surprise for me when I was in the about-to-explode-stress-level. Haha. No words could describe how happy I was to see him appear on my doorstep the other night when I was so fed up of the whole assignment. A big hug from him really ease all the pain and the stress away! Thank you, love. =]

Well, I seriously couldn't believe the amount of crap I've encountered for this entire semester. There's just way too many obstacles at this very short period of time. The amount of tears I've cried, the pain I've felt deep in my heart literally killed me already. I guess these kind of pain that cant be seen by the eyes are way more deadly than the pain I felt physically. Sometimes, I just felt like my heart died a little, bit by bit.

I have even reached a point where I just feel like running away from everything that I have and just look for something which may be like an inner peace thing. Something or somewhere I can go to have a peace of mind, with no worries of whatsoever that I am facing. But I realized that running away is not a good option at all. Its just a selfish act, where it may caused others to worry.

Hence, I always try to stay strong, not for myself, but for people around me who I love so dearly. They are the strength for me to stand back up at where I've fallen and move on. They are the confidence for me to face whatever that may comes in the future. =]

I must admit, I'm just an ordinary human with emotions. There will be times when I got so tired of being strong and I just want to let go and release all the pain I've kept inside. And when I do, I'll make sure I'll be good again right after that. =]

Perhaps life does give us obstacles for a good reason, which we may realized the benefit of it in the future. Maybe in my case, is to know who are the people who I can count on in my life and who are the people who worth every single piece of my heart. =]

For now, I'll just need to focus on my revision for the upcoming finals which begins next week. Then, its time to enjoy the one week holiday. =]

The Perfect Little Getaway

Been really busy lately. Most of my time is occupied with the assignments. There's assignment due every Monday started from last week. Although its group assignments, still it takes a long time to complete and even more time to compile everything. Most of all, I'm already panicking for my finals next month. I have not revise anything and at the same time, I need to focus on my assignments first. Hopefully by the time I've completed all the assignments, I still have plenty of time to complete my revisions. *fingers crossed*

Anyway, I finally got my very much needed getaway to just stay away from the hectic life and enjoy the beach without thinking bout anything else besides having a great time with the love. =]

We had a trip to Cherating, Kuantan and Genting, all in just three days time. Seriously, no amount of time is enough for me to be spent with the love. Its saddening that its just a short trip, but yet I'm really happy to be able to have a little getaway even its just within a short period time. Its the lovely memories which we have created that matters and makes everything worthwhile. =]

Well, its definitely the best Mid-autumn festival celebration I've ever had. And I can't wait to look forward to our next trip which I have no idea when. But I'm pretty sure there will be one. =D

Thank you for everything, love. You know that I <3 you dearly. =]

And yes, I miss those crazy, unstoppable, stomach-aching and contagious laughters that we had. =p